Wishes for the New Year

"To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence" (c) Mark Twain 

I remember facing a crisis of truths versus lies and to me I always believed that the truth will come to light eventually. We live in a transparent World where everyone wants to know what everyone else is doing all the time no matter how trivial and lame it is. Information and secrets leak through our networks, through technology, and sometimes it just slips our minds that no one was suppose to know. So do we just store the truths in the closets of our hearts and use it as a weapon when we've had enough of the lies or do we confront it and let hell break loose because it hurts our pride?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Life is too short to waste time bathing in our troubles and worries. When there are good times yet to come, why spoil it with bad experiences? There is so much to look forward to and so much to be thankful for. Live the life that you want and be hopeful for better days to come. Because we are not ignorant nor confident when we have HOPE.

The best poem is the one that is yet to be written
The most beautiful song is the one that is yet to be sung
The best days are the days we have yet to live
The widest sea has yet to be sailed
The farthest journey has yet to be ended
(c) Nazim Hikmet

As we approach 2013, I wanted to spread a little positivity and holiday cheers!

Cheers to life, love, and happiness! I hope that we will not be blinded by ignorance or confidence. I hope that we will have the courage to tell the truth. I hope that we will have faith in our dreams. and I pray that this year our hearts will heal and our hopes will be restored.

*Cheers*


To my readers,
Happy Holidays! <3

The Chase

Life goes on as we yearn for a better future,

for a tomorrow, 

for a new beginning, 

for a second chance, 

for a change... 

because we aspire to become a better person.

We go on chasing after an imaginary fantasy because it's better than the present moment. We no longer feel the necessity of a "stable lifestyle": being married, buying a big comfy house to fit the well behaved and smart kids we'll have someday, and oh goody, you can't forget coming home after work to do the same thing again tomorrow. NO, no, no, no. We rather our lives be exciting, passionate, YET drama-free like the comedy shows we like to watch during the evening just because it feels a lot better to laugh at how crappy life is.

It's not a change, we are seeking. Change is inevitable, it happens whether we want it or not. We just want to be happy. It's that moment when we say to ourselves, "I wish time would stop right now... AAAAH, Pinch me awake because I must be dreaming". We desire an infinite happiness where everyone's high on life; everything is working out like we want it to; we receive nothing but compliments and blessings we don't deserve.

Ok, time to wake up and smell the roses, silly kids!
Like seasons change - people change, life change. We are not robots who can be programmed with one emotion - happy. We are Human, a very complicated but interesting homosapien that can make our own choices, feel a mixture of emotions, and overcome challenges and hard times.

We are dreamers. We believe there will be good times because we had it before, because we know how it feels like to be happy.

We are strong. We struggle to accomplish our goals. We say no to people and situations that bring us down. We say yes to positivity and hope, because we believe - "Where there's a will, there's a way!"

So don't fall in despair because it's not your day today. If you try just a little, I bet you can still smile and have a good day! ;)


To my readers,
sending happy thoughts! you are Awesome! <3 

unfinished business

it's the feeling of being immensely vulnerable but trusting you to keep me whole because it was in your eyes that i saw the person i truly am... so how can i let go when you're looking back at me....
how can i let you go when my senses are telling me to stay close to you... how can i let you go when you're still holding my hand.

you and i will forever be... unfinished business.

To my readers,
reality is a bitch, move along

When I Grow Up...

Remember the good old days when every single 7 year old knew what they wanted to be when they grew up? As if the World was so generous and fair, as if America was the only place where dreams come true; there was simply an infinite universe of possibilities. Who would have ever known that a simple question didn't have one correct answer for every person.

Usually there are the traditional responses:
When I grow up I'm going to be... A doctor, A firefighter, A teacher, A nurse, A businessperson, A musician, An artist, A singer, A dancer, or An actor... etc.

But at what point of time did we ever stop believing in our dream? Reality literally smacked us in the face because new clothes and shoes, new supplies, and new toys every school year became necessary to become a person worth acknowledging. Because who are we to dream of something big when we are simply ourselves, a nobody.

And then there was a special person in your life that told you, you can be anyone you want to be; You can do anything you set your mind to; As long as you work hard, everything will work out, and you'll have everything you've ever dreamt of. Now don't be cynical because things may not go the way you want it to. Now don't you cry because you've lost everything you've worked so hard for. Now don't you die because you've been neglected and left all alone.

You, the person there sulking. You, the person who's broken. You, the person yearning for love. YOU stand up right now and tell the World that your dreams belong to no one other than you. Your dreams can never be taken away because it's a part of your being. Your dreams are why you're still standing and it's why you can do anything to make it come true!
...

When I grow up, I want to be thankful for every moment that I didn't give up.

To my readers,
dream on little dreamer <3

Mirror Mirror

Disappointment is a nasty leech that eats me up when I feed it. 

Throughout my whole life until now, I can say that I've lived to grasp a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction whether it's my own expectations or someone's expectations on me. I'm very hard to please and I like to be original and I've realized that though I like to carry the "I don't give a fuck" persona in my bag, I carry a ton of worries, stress, spoiled memories, and negativity as well. & you know what??? I think it's time to get a new bag and name it BLESSINGS.

I don't think anyone in this world can ever put me down as much as I can to myself. Because I'm my own person, I think it's important to maintain self pride and take responsibility over your actions. You are the one living Your life, not anyone else, so take hold of your heart and make sure it's beating!

Down times are a part of life, but it's what you do after those times that matters the most. We all live for the good times, but lets also appreciate the bad times. After all, we are who we are at this present moment because of both the good times and the bad times.

Be courageous and live hard chasing after your dreams with all your might. Be humble and with every breathe of air - remember that life is a gift. Be you, because no one else can take your place.

With love,
Helen (hsaet23)

Compromise (NOT!)

The theme of "compromise" appeared multiple times during these last couple of weeks. People say that it takes a full jar of love to compromise and if "that" person is very important to you, what is important to "that" person becomes important to YOU. But how can you predominately assume that will be the case in all relationships. If this is true, can we really love those that do not share common interests? Attraction comes in different forms: ethos, wholeness, similarities and differences. Why do we say we miss someone, if we didn't truly believe that person is the missing piece to feel whole again.  


Think about it, if your relationship is based on compromising aka "give and take", a set of expectations will always linger at the back of your mind. When there is expectations- there is disappointments and continuous disappointments leads to failure. So what about a few sprinkles of mistakes, we're human? Even with the most forgiving heart, deep within is a drop of discontent. It's human to feel hurt, and who likes that feeling? It's being self aware when someone starts to tick you off, so do something about it. Disappointment also invite reasons for change and improvement. & please do not tell me, you refuse to change... refusal to change when you're dissatisfied is like asking to be slapped. 


A person should be able to value their companion or partner for who they are; and who they are comes in a full package of their greatest virtues and vices, their perfections and flaws, their body and heart... Appreciate one another for that is the reason that attracts you to each other. Learn and grow with each other. Even if it takes a lifetime, don't give up on the ideology that love exists, and your special someone is awaiting. It's always mega cuteness overload when I see elderly couples go on dates. That is the kinda love we all desire. 


In summary, you value something for a reason and you shouldn't have to change it just because there's disapproval. 


You, Do You and be proud of it.
(humortip: Just do a SWOT analysis when dating, it works for business partnerships!) 


Quote of the day:

“Man's main task in life is to give birth to himself, to become what he potentially is. The most important product of his effort is his own personality.”

To my readers,
Be humble in all the things you do and reap the fruits that follow. <3

Change Myself

Self realization hits harder than a kryptonite. By now I should know myself a lot better. At least know what I want, where I'm going... but during these couple of weeks I can't seem to get back up. I feel disappointed in myself. Caught in self destruction. Why am I always chasing after things and people who are not good for me... Why do I keep running towards a brick wall? I have no strength yet I don't bother to seek help, pray to God, lean on my family. Right now I really want to say, I can't do this by myself... but I'm scared if I call out will there be anyone left to help me? Have I closed myself off to the World all these years because I can't trust people, is there anyone left that trusts me? I feel that everyone has given up on me, but I can't give up on myself. It's not in my DNA to stop in the middle of a marathon. I have to make it to the finish line no matter how many people leave me. Besides, God is always there for me, right?

I used to day dream of where I see myself in 10 years? And at times I reminisce back 5 years. How much have I grown? How much have I change?

I remember my first year in college and all of my high school friends told me I changed. I wasn't that shy innocent girl they once knew. Well yes, I did change. I wasn't sheltered from anyone or anything, I was living on my own and open to meeting new people and experiencing new things. During that time, I had a really hard time realizing and accepting that I did change. I thought of change as a negative thing, I wanted my friends to see me as the same person; but we didn't go to the same school anymore, we hardly spoke to each other... Now that i'm graduating, I wonder if I've changed within these 4 years. There are so many things I'm proud of and so many mistakes I've made, and I just feel the need to clean myself and say sorry.

I'm sorry I couldn't make you happy. 

I'm sorry I hurt your feelings.

I'm sorry I can't be the person you want me to be. 

I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye.

I'm sorry I never reached out to you.

Change, whether good or bad, is a sign that we are living. We can never pause time and stay in that precious happy moment no matter how much we yearn to. It would take me a day and a half to count the times I wish I was still under your arms and felt so loved. I would stop eating chocolate chip cookies if I could ever go back. Life will go on as we choose to change ourselves. Sometimes we don't get to decide, our surroundings change. The best we can do is to never give up no matter how hard it seems to be.

Believe. Endure. Overcome. 

To my readers,
Be the change you want to see in the world (Gandhi) <3

Fishing Stars

Most people say fishing is a sport. For some it's a hobby, it's a spontaneous adventure, but undeniably it's our own hunger game. (OM NOM NOM! SUSHI~)

Jokes aside, today I'm talking about fishing stars!! Going above and beyond your own limitations, YOU are more capable than you think you are! You deserve more than what you take credit for!    

Life is a journey to discover yourself, to do all you can with the hope of possibly obtaining every little wish you make after blowing off the candles from your birthday cake, after holding your breath under the tunnel, and after every glimpse at a shooting star. Now lets be honest, it's impossible to grant every little wish, because we will always wish for more. So how can you be content and continue fishing stars? Fishing takes time. When you're fishing, you hope by the end of the day you'll catch at least ONE fish out of hundreds and thousands. When you make a wish, you hope that it'll come true ONE DAY. In both cases, it takes time. As you wait for it, your behavior, energy, and actions can affect the end result. So think of a game plan, strategize, make more wishes, try thinking happy thoughts and find contentment in the present moment of your life. 

Have you ever experienced an amazing sense of accomplishment? That tingling feeling that runs down from your head all the way to your toes, and you're jumping and screaming like a lunatic because you're so happy! There's a difference between satisfaction and bragging. It always kinda rubbed me the wrong way when close friends or family do not celebrate the joy of this experience, Instead they tell you don't get too excited? Don't get your hopes up! But even with that negativity, don't let it stop you from jumping with joy until your heart is content because you deserve it! You didn't give up on yourself, you told yourself YES I CAN. One common denominator of experiences, accomplishments, and goals is GROWTH. That's probably why our goals change, we experience different things, and we accomplish more when we get older. After looking at it this way, I'm not as depressed about aging. A lot of the times I would complain and say, I don't want to get old and wrinkly, I'm still a kid! 

Here's a few reminders: 

• Do all you can for today 
• Always do what you love 
• It's never too late to learn and try new things
• Just do it

To my readers,

I believe, do you? <3

Lost Myself

These last couple of weeks have been an emotional roller coaster. It feels like I have one last stage to level up and I'm sprinting up a 180 degree mountain attacking strange beasts on the way. My mood has certainly been a "I don't really give a fuck today, I'm just going to do what I want". I've only recently reflected on my selfish behavior and considered the effects and repercussions of my rebellious actions. I've been a disappointment to my friends, to my family, and to myself. How many times am I going to mess up and you'll still be there for me? I keep blaming others for my misery, when it's ME who is purposely jumping off a cliff. It's ME who keeps holding back.

Everyone wishes to be loved, but in the event, nearly no one can bear it. Everyone desires love but also finds it impossible to believe that he deserves it. However great the private disasters to which love may lead, love itself is strikingly and mysteriously impersonal; it is a reality which is not altered by anything one does. Therefore, one does many things, turns the key in the lock over and over again, hoping to be locked out. Once locked out, one will never again be forced to encounter in the eyes of a stranger who loves him the impenetrable truth concerning the stranger, oneself, who is loved. And yet--one would prefer, after all, not to be locked out. One would prefer, merely, that the key unlocked a less stunningly unusual door. 


-James Baldwin


These words from Baldwin speaks to my heart... the world seems to be suffocating me and no matter how many people try to uncover my layers, the core of me is untouchable. I don't know if it's a self defense mechanism because I'm afraid if people get too close to me, they won't like me, they will hurt me, they will leave me... I'm too insecure, too introverted, too awkward, so maybe I don't deserve to have an equal. but at the same time I long for that feeling I often recall, that familiar feeling that makes me let my guard down because I feel so safe and happy in his arms.

So I wonder what am I doing, where do I belong...

I'm trying to prove to myself I can open up to others, I can overcome the heartache, I can start anew.... but it doesn't feel right to me. I don't get all giddy from a phone call or text, my heart is not jumping out of my chest, my insides are not twirling in joy and excitement... I dont feel what I know is love. Instead, I'm forcing myself to put on a smile, to look alluring, to pretend I'm interested. Truth is, I'm scared that it's someone else... I'm terrified that if I give it a chance, maybe I'll find what I was always searching for.



To my readers,
Be honest to yourself, only you know your heart <3

Once Upon A Time...

In a small town lived a girl who was like a bright star. She smelt of roses and her warm smile made the tulips dance. She was sent on a long journey to a foreign island in search of her life's mission to change the world. Not knowing a single person on the island, she found comfort in small creatures roaming around.

One bright sunny day, she was laying at the beach writing about her newest discoveries. A crowd started to form nearby, and here he was in the center of all the attention- the boy that showed her a world filled with love.

The boy was like a circus clown juggling bottles with flames spinning around and around. The crowd loved him. After his performance the crowd started to disperse and he passed by the girl laying at the beach. The girl was frivolously jotting down descriptions of dolphins and the boy stopped in front of her. Suddenly she stops writing.

"Excuse me you are blocking the sun"
"I thought you might cared for some shade since you're sweating an awful lot writing what seems to be a novel?"
"I didn't even notice I was sweating... (so embarrassed)... I'm writing about the dolphins I saw last night, did you see them too?"
"No actually. Did you write about me too? (chuckles)"
"I just met you. Maybe tomorrow?"
"(smiles) Here, this is for you"

As the boy walked away the girl twirled the bottle around. Inside the bottle was a necklace with a stone that had the cassiopeia constellation on it.

A few days later, the girl was looking to rent a boat to watch the dolphins again. By the time she reached the dock, there was only one boat at shore. The circus boy was on that boat.

"HEY!! Lady with the long red hair! HEY!! Cassiopeia!!!!! HEY!"
"(points at herself) Hi!"
"Are you going to watch the dolphins tonight?"
"That was my intention but all of the boats are gone"
"Not this one (winks)... Come on in. What are you waiting for?"
He starts to untie the anchor.
"WAAAAIT"
She runs as fast as she could and jumps onto the boat.
"(claps) WOW Very nice. Are you a diver too?"
"Very funny"

They laughed and told stories as they sailed towards the dolphins.

"(gasp) YOU ARE WEARING THE NECKLACE!?!"
"Yes? Is it an unlucky charm? Did you jinx me or something?"
"No, I'm just flabbergasted and chittering, You, didn't throw it away"
"Aaaah no waay! It's so beautiful!"
"You know, when you first looked at me, I thought I was staring at the stars, your eyes twinkle, Ms Cassiopeia"
"Thank you. Gosh... I don't know what to say.. Um... Hello my name is Sunny"
"Ahhh Sunny!!! It makes perfect sense! Not because you like the sun and your hair is fiery red and your eyes shine like stars but because my name is Moon"
"Hi Moon, I'm glad you saved the last boat tonight!"

Sunny and Moon watched the dolphins jump and sing to each other under the starry night sky.

"I hope I can read your stories one day"
"Shall I read you one?"
(nods)
"Once upon a time, a girl who was like a bright star met a boy who was as big and fluffy as the moon"
"I'm big and fluffy?"
(giggles)

 <3 <3 <3

To my readers,
Tell your special someone what your love means :3

The Right Look

Overview: how to color block, how to layer textiles, how to accessorize.

Everyone has their own styles and preference when it comes to fashion. This post is just a way for me to describe my style.

^^^^^^^^^^^^=MEOOOW!=^^^^^^^^^^^^

1. Try Different Things: On a sad or depressing day, lift up your mood by wearing a statement accessory or bright colors. You can dress in all black but have bright yellow shoes on; all white with a brown leather belt on and gold jewelries; a plain tee and jeans with a furry hat on. These pop it in your face looks does the trick by saying, "I'm a little different, but it's okay" or "IDGAF today, but stare all you want".

2. Color Block (Max: 4 colors): unless it's a rainbow theme, you don't want to go all out with whatever colors you have in your closet, pick 1 - 4 colors, ANY color. You can try maroon jeans, black leather booties, white printed tee, a purple cardigan, with a black sleek hat. Mix-and-match has been overdone for a decade now, it's time to amplify it and express your colorful side.

3. Prints + Prints: Yes, you can do this people! Make sure one of the prints is smaller than the other. For example, a small polka dot tee with large cheetah cardigan. Today, I tried red sexy skulls with yellow leopard, and received plenty compliments ;)

4. Accessorize like a Princess: If you have zero color going on, accessories will save your life. Sometimes you need a lil bling on to remind yourself, you're a precious person. Please don't wear 10 rings and 5 chains on.. You can do these kinda stuff with bracelets but not rings or necklaces. The max rings on 1 hand is 3 fingers; you can stack rings too so it can be 7 rings on 3 fingers (3 on 1,  3 on 1, 1 on 1; etc) If you are layering necklaces you want to make sure they have different chains or different sizes. My most current obsession are studs, so GLAM!

5. Execution says Strut it: Confidence says it all. Even if you are wearing plastic bags, the way you walk and go about makes people either mean mug at you or gasp at your starstruck fashion sense. ;) Fashion is something rebellious, so grow a thicker skin and learn to love yourself unconditionally.       

Some of my HYPES:
http://lookbook.nu/look/3061185-like-a-dream-you-disappeared
http://lookbook.nu/look/3122653-tonight-I-m-breaking-mama-s-rule
http://lookbook.nu/look/3122679-YO-NO-HABLO-ESPANOL
http://lookbook.nu/look/2951337-Sometimes-it-feels-just-like-I-m-fallin-in-the-ocean
http://lookbook.nu/look/2889209-here-s-to-the-freakin-weekend

YouTube inspirations:
http://www.youtube.com/beautyqq
http://www.youtube.com/chrisellelim


(*Ahem! Ahem!*) Please credit me: swtazndreamer923 if you plan on using my pictures...

To my readers,

Time to take it to the next level <3

The Outcast

Differences and similarities are acknowledged in every possible setting. We prejudge, make assumptions, compare and contrast every thing, places, persons we come across. A lot of insecurities, jealousy, animosity, and arrogance stems from how we feel about these things. There are role models, celebrities, gurus, and mentors we admire and look up to. These type of people are examples of the person we strive to be, but may not necessarily reflect who we are in the present.

Who we are, who you are, who I am in the present is our own identity.

Given that any living being has its own identity, by separating ourselves from others-- the hope of possibly inflicting change and making an impact arises in us and empowers us to be our own.

Sometimes I feel like I'm looking and experiencing the world on the opposite side. Though I'm physically present, everything looks so beautiful, sounds so lively, feels so warm, and tastes so intriguing that my heart starts thumping louder than usual, my eyes lit up, my grin turns into a contagious smile, and my mind continues to daydream about the endless possibilities that can occur. Even with all of this wonderfulness, I tip-toe not wanting to disturb everything and anything around me, I stay silent eavesdropping at the most weirdest conversations, and I get scared... Maybe they'll finally take a look at me and know right away that I don't belong.
I'm not a part of this world.

And so I wonder, why we try so hard to fit in, to look pleasingly attractive, to be loved, to be hated... What is the satisfying life when we all are too concern with fears? desires? power? uniformity? Why do we complicate things by wanting what we can't have? For me, this isn't a sign of defeat, ignorance, or selfishness... this tells me that 
people believe. people care for each other. emotions make life more real, it brings us together and tells us: you are not alone.

No one is an outcast. Yes, sometimes we can feel out of place, uncomfortable, different, but SO WHAT? No one person is completely identical with another person. That's why I'm telling myself right now, it's meaningless to search for someone that truly understands me... you can't say you've walked in my shoes, and I can't tell you that either... Instead of looking for comfort in that way, I must tell myself --

In life, you meet many people, there will be commonalities and differences but no one is the same as you and no one is entirely different than you, we are humans made to relate and interact with one another, we belong together. 

To my readers,
Smile tonight :)

Why Care?

I always stood by the saying,

"live in the moment"

I give thanks to what is mines and what is not, stay positive, and experience life by the seconds. I realized that living in the zen is peaceful; I don't have to worry about the past or the future, but one day, one of my coworkers brought up a question that made me think twice about my life's motto. I was trying to convince him to see the bigger picture of a social project aimed at fighting for an environmental cause, and here he was with a smirk I knew too well, a smirk I once held,

"Why do you care about things you can't control?" He asked.
My heart paused -- why do I care? Why don't YOU care? 

I couldn't think of a reason. I just stared at him with disbelief, why am I trying so hard to convince someone to care when that person has obviously made up his mind to not give a rat's ass. To remind you all again, we're talking about an environmental issue; raising awareness of energy efficiency and safety in homes; encourage families and individuals to conserve resources, use safe and healthy products at home, and think about preparing for emergency disasters. Everything I'm trying to promote is future-tense, so how can I say proudly that I "live in the moment". I don't. I live for a better and brighter future while taking the time to remind myself that life is a gift, to not take anything for granted, to be humble and thankful.
That's the real truth.

I get that question a lot, "why care?" and sometimes it makes me angry that I can't explain to that person why I care. Even with tears flooding my eyes and a voice filled with rage, at the end of a heartbreaking conversation, that person still doesn't understand why I care so damn much. Maybe, I can finally answer this question --

I care... because I value you as a person, a teammate, a classmate, a friend, a family member; whichever category you fall under, I care because you are important to me and I care that you understand where I'm coming from. Equality, freedom, justice, knowledge, fellowship, faith, friendship, family are things I value. They are important values I stand up for and not caring about any of those values is not an option to me because I take my values very personal.

This brings up another topic: doing the right thing. I never understood how people can just stand by while someone is crying in pain in front of their eyes. I never understood why people inflict harm, pain, and danger on another living soul!!! I never understood why people would rather erupt in a frenzy and cause destruction to express their hatred, anger, jealousy, or greed rather than negotiating, compromising, communicating, and showing others why they feel that way. Letting go isn't impossible. Healing takes time, but it's not impossible. Forgiving is hard, but it's not impossible. No body is telling anybody to forget. Learn from it, try to understand it, cope, prevent it, change it, but don't let that hatred destroy yourself.


To my readers,
Don't be discouraged, follow your heart <3