Fishing Stars

Most people say fishing is a sport. For some it's a hobby, it's a spontaneous adventure, but undeniably it's our own hunger game. (OM NOM NOM! SUSHI~)

Jokes aside, today I'm talking about fishing stars!! Going above and beyond your own limitations, YOU are more capable than you think you are! You deserve more than what you take credit for!    

Life is a journey to discover yourself, to do all you can with the hope of possibly obtaining every little wish you make after blowing off the candles from your birthday cake, after holding your breath under the tunnel, and after every glimpse at a shooting star. Now lets be honest, it's impossible to grant every little wish, because we will always wish for more. So how can you be content and continue fishing stars? Fishing takes time. When you're fishing, you hope by the end of the day you'll catch at least ONE fish out of hundreds and thousands. When you make a wish, you hope that it'll come true ONE DAY. In both cases, it takes time. As you wait for it, your behavior, energy, and actions can affect the end result. So think of a game plan, strategize, make more wishes, try thinking happy thoughts and find contentment in the present moment of your life. 

Have you ever experienced an amazing sense of accomplishment? That tingling feeling that runs down from your head all the way to your toes, and you're jumping and screaming like a lunatic because you're so happy! There's a difference between satisfaction and bragging. It always kinda rubbed me the wrong way when close friends or family do not celebrate the joy of this experience, Instead they tell you don't get too excited? Don't get your hopes up! But even with that negativity, don't let it stop you from jumping with joy until your heart is content because you deserve it! You didn't give up on yourself, you told yourself YES I CAN. One common denominator of experiences, accomplishments, and goals is GROWTH. That's probably why our goals change, we experience different things, and we accomplish more when we get older. After looking at it this way, I'm not as depressed about aging. A lot of the times I would complain and say, I don't want to get old and wrinkly, I'm still a kid! 

Here's a few reminders: 

• Do all you can for today 
• Always do what you love 
• It's never too late to learn and try new things
• Just do it

To my readers,

I believe, do you? <3

Lost Myself

These last couple of weeks have been an emotional roller coaster. It feels like I have one last stage to level up and I'm sprinting up a 180 degree mountain attacking strange beasts on the way. My mood has certainly been a "I don't really give a fuck today, I'm just going to do what I want". I've only recently reflected on my selfish behavior and considered the effects and repercussions of my rebellious actions. I've been a disappointment to my friends, to my family, and to myself. How many times am I going to mess up and you'll still be there for me? I keep blaming others for my misery, when it's ME who is purposely jumping off a cliff. It's ME who keeps holding back.

Everyone wishes to be loved, but in the event, nearly no one can bear it. Everyone desires love but also finds it impossible to believe that he deserves it. However great the private disasters to which love may lead, love itself is strikingly and mysteriously impersonal; it is a reality which is not altered by anything one does. Therefore, one does many things, turns the key in the lock over and over again, hoping to be locked out. Once locked out, one will never again be forced to encounter in the eyes of a stranger who loves him the impenetrable truth concerning the stranger, oneself, who is loved. And yet--one would prefer, after all, not to be locked out. One would prefer, merely, that the key unlocked a less stunningly unusual door. 


-James Baldwin


These words from Baldwin speaks to my heart... the world seems to be suffocating me and no matter how many people try to uncover my layers, the core of me is untouchable. I don't know if it's a self defense mechanism because I'm afraid if people get too close to me, they won't like me, they will hurt me, they will leave me... I'm too insecure, too introverted, too awkward, so maybe I don't deserve to have an equal. but at the same time I long for that feeling I often recall, that familiar feeling that makes me let my guard down because I feel so safe and happy in his arms.

So I wonder what am I doing, where do I belong...

I'm trying to prove to myself I can open up to others, I can overcome the heartache, I can start anew.... but it doesn't feel right to me. I don't get all giddy from a phone call or text, my heart is not jumping out of my chest, my insides are not twirling in joy and excitement... I dont feel what I know is love. Instead, I'm forcing myself to put on a smile, to look alluring, to pretend I'm interested. Truth is, I'm scared that it's someone else... I'm terrified that if I give it a chance, maybe I'll find what I was always searching for.



To my readers,
Be honest to yourself, only you know your heart <3