it's late in the evening and i'm sitting on my bed thinking, where can he be? is he upset with me? A billion of negative and dangerous thoughts bewilders me. i shake my head like a lunatic. stop. he's different from the other guys, he would tell me.
time seems to pass by like lightning when i'm with him and saying goodbye is almost unbearable and when he's away i can't wait to see him again.
it's funny how when i was single i thought i would be a pretty good catch. any guy should feel lucky to have me. only a perfect guy would make me happy.
then i met him and when i look at myself in the mirror i see a million of flaws, i feel disgusting, ugly, mean and i just want to hide in a shell but then he holds my face with a firm but gentle clasp, looks deeply into my eyes and i can't look away from him, he says, you're beautiful, you don't need any of that. I start to believe that i can change, i want to change. I can be kinder to him, sweeter to him, prettier for him, good for him...
it would be nice if i could like myself the way i am naturally like how he likes me. but isn't it normal for a girl to put effort to being attractive for her man. then sometimes i feel depressed because he's so relax and maybe i just want him to be on his toes so he'll stay with me longer. maybe i just want to know that he will go out of his way to make me feel loved and special for no reason, without me asking, because he wants to.
though it's confusing and difficult, i think i'm falling for him and it makes me want to scream because i'm so happy and at the same time so terrified to know his heart.
i'm not good at hiding my feelings. i'm not good at relationships. but i can't stop thinking about all the amazing things we can do together and how i would give anything just to talk to him right now.
i really miss him... very very much.
