Try to...

No one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes, but it's how we take responsibility over our mistakes that either kills us or change us. As an individual, we know what kinda person we want to be and when we fall short, not only does it hurts our pride, it makes one feel less than a human. It's really hard to pick yourself up when all you want to do is lock yourself in a closet and disappear. It takes courage to move past the hate. It's really up to you. You can only move forward and don't be scared to make the same mistake. Try. Try to do things differently, to see things differently, to be a better, happier you.

It's a personal struggle to love yourself from the outside in. You would think that's how love works. When someone meets you for the first time, they see your face, your body type, your height, your hair, your skin color, and everything that society often takes to rip you apart. So there's someone you fancy and it would mean the world to you if you received some sort of reassurance that the feeling is mutual. First thing you worry about is fixing your appearance to look like the flawless profile picture you have up on facebook, never aging, never having a bad hair day, or never having puffy eye bags from lack of sleep. Let me tell you even if you know this already, I want to tell you - you, absolutely, do not need fixing. You, are not a broken barbie/ken doll. You, are who you are. Without the mask, without the fake laughs, without bashing other people to feel superior, without all the money, and without the arrogance of thinking you are better than everyone else. Can't you just be yourself around people? and not care if they'll like you or not? and not care if someone has a different opinion than you. Why do people hate on other people for liking things they like? 

Love yourself from the inside out. It takes alone time to listen to your inner voice. It takes spiritual time to be aware of what excites you, what motivates you, what inspires you. It takes quiet time to not have to adjust your words or your actions in fear of what others may think of you. Be confident that you don't need to justify why you do the things you do or say things you say. Be honest that you make mistakes and admit to those mistakes, learn from it, and make the effort to correct it. And lastly, be patient with yourself. You are only one person. Sometimes you can't do it all. No matter how awesome it would be to have super powers, you are doing your best and that's all you can do. Forgive yourself. Like when your friend is sad, you wouldn't be an asshole and make them feel worse, you would give your friend a hug, right? You have to be your own friend too. So give yourself a super long hug, you're a pretty amazing human.  

xoxo <3,

counting the stars until i see you again

A Fulfilling Life

You Only Live Once. 
You Only Got One Life to Live. 

& When we become one with the dirt, our footprints tells the tale of our unforgettable journey.

We live for greatness, to make an impact on someone's life, to be remembered and loved by the ones we left behind.

And as every year pass by, we look back to marvel at what we accomplish, no regrets, because if it wasn't for the past, we wouldn't be who we are right now.

I recently saw the movie, The Fault In Our Stars, never read the book but oh boy, did I sob like a baby. I am lucky I didn't watch it in theaters, otherwise, I would had to cover my puffy red face and run like lightning to the parking garage as soon as the movie was over.

Augustus represents the younger generation. Teens and twenty somethings, ready to spread their wings and jump off a cliff not knowing if they'll fall or fly. Young adults eager for a new found freedom, for a purpose, to actually start living and to make their own choice about their fate in the universe. If we could write our own destinies, how interesting and colorful life would be. People say life is like a book and we each have our own stories, but who is the writer of our stories?

Hazel and Augustus travelled to Amsterdam seeking for answers to their questions about the abrupt ending from an author they idolized. What happens to the ones that were left behind? Can a story really end in the middle of a sentence? Uncertainty is a part of reality. If we fear what is uncertain, does that not make us a coward? You cannot live how you want to, when you are a prisoner of your own fears, worrying if the steps you take now will somehow minimize the time you have being alive. "Some infinities are bigger than other infinities". A circle of life. Are we solely temporary beings born with an expiration date? These are metaphors of life; meaning life can end without someone's acceptance or approval, without making any logical or scientific sense. Yet we agonize at the thought of an ending. Is not uncertainty cruel and unfair? Because everyone is deserving of life. No one wants to die when there are unfinished business to settle. This isn't the happily ever after we imagined for ourselves. Worrying about the inevitable oblivion will only make one suffer anxiety and depression. The existence of the unknown, of darkness, of pain should not affect how you choose to live. Happiness is not a privilege. Like how they say some things were never meant to be understood. We just have to let it go. It is what it is.

I remember thinking there's nothing wrong about being hopeful, that Hazel is the one who is wrong for her lack of compassion. And then I tried to see things from her side, but I couldn't because as a third person, I knew that what she experienced was false hope, white lies disguised as positivity. People telling her what they thought she needed to hear to live on. It was excuses and lies to her ears, but of course R E A L genuine hope does exist. It is the shimmering light we exert from within at times of darkness. It is when we care more for someone else's goodwill than our own. It is acts of selflessness. It is love, that's what I believe in.

And in regards to all the cheesy quotes in the internet including the ones I used in this blog post, I realize why I don't have a favorite quote. It is because there's no right way to tell someone how to live their life. We always try to make sense of life by metaphors or eloquent life quotes that empowers us to believe it's up to us on how our lives end. Do you even realize the heavy burden you are putting on yourself? It is not always you against the world. Everything does not always happen for a reason. The past doesn't define who we are. Just because we feel something doesn't mean the other person have to feel the same way. Just because we give doesn't mean we will receive in return. We must learn to give without expectations, without force, without greed. We must learn to love without eyes, without touch, without words, but instead do and say things, with our heart.

---
I learn a few things about myself these last few weeks.
1. I, very much, like minding my own business.
2. I choose who I'm comfortable with based on personality, because of fact #1.
3. Because of fact #2, I can seem like a cold and stuck-up person, unintentionally. Honestly, I worry my awkwardness would scare you, and that mere thought of scaring you, scares me a whole lot. So that's why I avoid people most of the time. Please don't take offense.

:)

To my readers <3,
Hugs are nice. o>^______^<o