by Helen
365 days has passed and though I've changed, for better or worst, the core of me is still yearning for something...
I started the year filled with determination to get my life back on track, to find myself again, to feel passions, to dream again. 2018 was my year to re-start my engine.
I was focused on transforming my body, my mind, my spirit to fill a void deep inside me.
I thought I did so well in all areas. I've lost the weight I wanted to loose, I've learn how to play the guitar, I've met my annual financial goals and got promoted to a position I've always wanted, I went back to church to rekindle my relationship with God, I've gotten closer to my family and friends.
And here I am... not sad. not happy.
I've realized I've been experiencing and perceiving life through my emotions. "I feel this way so I'm going to do this. I don't feel good so I'm not going to do this." It's not about how I feel and it's not about how other people feel about me either. It's about something greater than me and you, the only truth I know, absolutely, but cannot explain.
I used to believe that each person is responsible for their own lives, that you only get one chance to live. But I see it so clearly now, how one person can affect so many lives, that one person can be living for one/ten/hundreds/millions of people, that life flows in all of us and though we all experience it differently, we all are experiencing life together at the same time.
A person's perception of themselves is the only power one really has. It's that same power that pulls people together, whether it's because of similar backgrounds, similar hobbies and interests, similar goals, or opposite characteristics. You live your life, experience, and make decisions based on your perception. It's so powerful because not only does it determine your social circle, it also gives you an identity.
Our identity is what we are yearning for. So many people are going through an identity crisis, sexuality/gender/race/religion. Some people let their title and accomplishments determine who they are, some people let their parents decide their future, some people let ancient history and traditions tell them who they are.
The concept of right and wrong is false. The concept of success is false. The concept of religion is false. The only concept I see is true is "US", "WE", "Together", "Oneness".
You simply cannot live alone because you will never be alone. You are life and life is in everything. The ground under your feet, the trees, the animals, the air, everything is alive.
As the new year approaches, I want to keep these truths present in my mind every day:
- I am not alone
- I am loved
- I am enough
- I am powerful
- I am a part of something bigger than myself and others
- I am more than my feelings and emotions
- I am more than my body
