Powerless

Controlling is not an adjective that comes to mind when describing myself on a social media platform. Traditionally, Controlling is a negative connotation because people hate being told what to do. What if I said, "Controlling can be a positive attribute as long as it's not overbearing and obsessive".

To have self control; to be powerful; to be the narrator who tells you what happens in the story, to be the game-master who knows all the right moves to win the game, to be the creator of your own life.

I wasn't my normal self this past weekend. I let the negative thoughts consume me and told myself I can't do anything right. I felt cursed because I couldn't catch a break. It was one bad thing after another. So I put myself to a test,  if I did absolutely nothing the universe would not have any reasons to ruin my life. Karma was the only reasonable explanation why my life was spiraling out of my control. To look within myself is how I regain control of my life and how I plan to figure out the best move to make in tough situations.

Relating to this topic, I want to write a few words about the Netflix show, Gypsy. It's labelled as a psychological thriller. Gypsy is about a therapist, Jean Holloway who lives a double life as Diane Hart. Jean has a complex character. I apologize in advance if my profile of her is lacking but this is from my perspective. Jean is secretive and manipulative. She lives for power over others. She is dependent on relationships with others. I wouldn't say Jean has an identity crisis. I think she knows who she is but she likes playing a fictional character. She pretends to be someone else and gets involve with her client's situation to understand the perspective from the other side and also to keep her clients her clients. Her fantasy life begins to immerse with her real life. Episode 10 ends with a cliffhanger, she is caught red-handed. Who is this woman and why is she fucking everyone's life up? Damn it Netflix, why did you cancel Season 2? How will I ever know what happens next?

Being in control can definitely boost your confidence, however too much of anything is bad. Sometimes even you can't control your self and what happens to you. So instead of throwing yourself in a fiery pit, do the best you can for yourself and let go of things you cannot control. It may not be as bad as you thought it was. Everything in life is either a blessing or a lesson.

With Love,
Helen 

Book Review: An Ace and A Pair

An Ace and A Pair
Author: Blake Banner
Reviewed by me

Genre: Novel
Topic: Police Cold Mystery

Summary:
The story is narrated by a senior NYPD detective, John Stone. Detective Stone is in his 50's and is old school when it comes to technology. He relies on the good old method of talking to eye-witnesses and scouting the crime scene in person. John has been assign to lead a cold case team which consist of himself and Detective Carmen Dehan. These cold cases go back thirty years. Their first cold case involves a gang war among the mob, the Mexican cartel, and Chinese gangs who wants to control the drugs and prostitution in the Bronx. A group of gang members were massacred at a poker night and a large sum of money vanished. A girl was abducted and never found. Who killed those people? Where did the money go? What happened to Maria? The deeper the investigation goes the more theories and speculations. There may be a crooked cop or another gang that was involved. Detective Stone takes you with him on his mustang through New York, Shamrock and San Francisco where he finally closed the case.


Comments & Rating:
★★★★★ (5/5)

The dialogue was easy to follow. The character development was detailed and unique. The two main leads had great chemistry and I found them humorous and likable. The story kept me guessing and was very intriguing. I definitely enjoyed the read and would recommend it to anyone who wants to read an entertaining and fun book.

Some of My Many Lists

If you've worked with me or went to school with me, you'd probably know I have OCD when it comes to organizing. I get satisfaction from making lists and marking things off from my list. I call it my method of self-motivation.

In this post, I share some of my many lists that range from to-do lists to top favorites to daily reminders. I hope by sharing my lists, they provide some inspiration for you to start your own lists and hopefully you'll see some positive changes in your life.

I am

• an observer 
• socially awkward
• a lover of life
• a child at heart
• a firm supporter of individuality and self expression

Things I want to do for the remainder of my 20s

• take my parents on a trip
• be dept free from student loans
• purchase my first new car
• learn how to golf
• learn how to play the guitar

When I'm down

• check your attitude
• DO NOT overreact or say something out of anger
• PAUSE and take a deep breathe
• come back to it when you are not heated
• use affirming words that show that you care and you understand instead of attacking and blaming others

Cute dates with bae

• cook dinner together for our monthsary
• rent a car and go on a roadtrip
• take a long train ride together
• play a sport together
• go to the gym together
• take a cooking class together
• make music together

Xoxo,

Helen

Building Good Habits

There was a great take away I learned from Game 2 of the NBA Western Conference Finals that Assistant Coach Brown and Stephen Curry constantly repeated in their post game interviews: its about "building good habits". Aside from basketball, "building good habits" must be the key for any successful person.

The average person must work hard to be successful, but we hardly hear about what it means to work hard.

Should we kick ourselves if some days we do not perform at our top level?

Working hard is not like climbing the stairs to success, it's not a straight line to the top. If I were to draw my life it would be a scribble of bright and dark colors in no particular shape or specific colors. It's indescribable. It just is.

Everything starts from within and building good habits is the key. Take the time to learn about yourself. There are so many paths a person can walk in the journey of finding yourself. Many get lost along the way but those that create their own paths find that where they are at in the present is where they are meant to be, and knowing that this moment is real and it's for the taking, is all that really matters.

Lets talk about good habits. Good habits may be different or the same for any individual. The trick is to keep questioning yourself until you've settled. It's the internal struggle that's the ultimate judge of your choices. You'll know it's the right thing to do when you're doing it for yourself because no one is living your life except you.

Build good habits now, your future self will thank you!

Stole this from Kevin Durant (my new life mantra):

I'm me. I do me, and I chill.

From the kitty that's always up to something,
Helen

The World We Are Living In

Does the internet desensitize you?

I had this thought squirming around my mind after watching the very funny and fantastic "Dave Chappelle: The Age of Spin" show on Netflix. Have you ever heard about the superstition that you can tell how smart/wise a person is by their eyes? Well Mr. Chappelle has those deep brown eyes. He's very wise and very funny, I can go on, but I want to write about the thoughts I'm struggling with.

There's so much going on. It's always been that way. Every morning, a person wakes up to a daily dose of "news" about the world and all of these new gadgets, new discoveries, new tragedies and disasters occur throughout the day or while we sleep, and we don't even think about it. It doesn't even tickle our interest or makes us feel anything. Yet there's this sense of urgency to keep up with the time (in with the new and out with the old). When does everything get too much?

There's this sad and bitter feeling when I think about the violence, inhumane, and even inappropriate things that children are exposed to every day. I'm not a parent but I can imagine having your own child see or experience something terrible and heartbreaking and they ask you about it. Children should have the right to a childhood, meaning they should grow and experience things when they are ready to, and some things in life should just never happen, but it does.

You can't really be prepare for life, can you? But that doesn't mean everything is fine just the way it is. No it is not fine and dandy. As human beings, we must hold a greater sense of responsibility. Why do we let horrible, inhumane things happen? Just the other day I was waiting at the airport when the ABC news broadcast was covering the bombing of the Egyptian Church. I was horrified, my jaw figuratively fell to the ground and I looked around and not a single person around me showed any signs of emotion. What is wrong with people? Are we all dead inside? Why is this happening? How can anyone explain the hatred and evil that exist in a person that kills?

It is important that each individual realizes their worth, contribution, their identity in this small but big world. It's easy to say that one person cannot make a difference, but that's simply not true. Because of one person, the world can change. That is why YOU are powerful, you can start a movement, you can inspire others, you can:

"Be the change you want to see in the World". (c) Mahatma Ghandi

To those reading this post, I dare you to speak out and confront wrongdoing. I dare you to share your stories of overcoming challenges and fears. I dare you to befriend a lost and broken stranger. It doesn't need to have a world-wide impact. You don't even have to go out of your way to be a part of this movement. All it takes is the heart to do good and be good. Wherever you are at and whatever is happening around you, I hope you can show acts of kindness. The World needs you.

Love,
Helen

“I’m happy to be a woman”

“I’m happy to be a woman”

Written by: Helen Saeteurn

Inspired by the Korean Drama: Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo

A woman that feels deeply loves to provide and loves to give. All she wants in return is to see a bright smile on the other person’s face. Happiness to her is when her loved ones are happy.

A woman’s strength is her passion and her compassion. She does it all, wholeheartedly with a purpose. She finds self-fulfillment when she cares for her mind, her body, and her soul. At the presence of a lost or frighten soul, her instinct is to provide comfort and encouragement. 

She is loyal. She is kind. She is a believer. She will never give up.

A woman's heart is her beauty. It is unbreakable. It is whole. It is filled with intelligence and optimism. Her heart makes her brave. When the world tells her to stay silent and passive, her heart tells her to stand up and to be heard. When a man tells her she has no worth, her heart tells her she is more than enough and she can do anything that her heart desires. 

A woman's heart makes her strong and fearless. Her heart is her super-power and only she knows the full force.

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