Pride & Integrity

Tonight, I'm going to touch on a more personal topic: individual values. I've always been interested in philosophy and cultural studies and this topic doesn't just come up in class discussions, you deal with this every single day. It ultimately defines who you are, your self identity.

In my International Negotiation class, we've discussed about Hofstede's cultural dimensions, Gesteland's patterns in culture, and Edward Hall's context theory, which all says a great deal about who you are in a broader perspective in terms of your immediate environment and cultural background. This post will speak to you as an individual instead of grouping your values to people similar to you, individual values sets you a part.

I want to dedicate this post to what makes you a special and unique being.

Pride & Integrity -- is one of my top values, it is my strength, it is my weakness, it gives me opportunities, and it may be threatening to others, but these values shows that vulnerability is powerful.

"Do not take my kindness as weakness" is something you all probably heard before. What makes my blood boil is when people take me for granted. When they depend on me to do everything for them. When they show 0 signs of appreciation for your dedicated gruesome work you've spent hours and hours on. This is what you call pride & integrity. Pride that you reap your efforts and take great pleasure from everything you've earn. Integrity to be proud of your accomplishments and "Respect" for others' critique and most importantly respect for yourself, in that you don't deserve to be weighed down by others, people should be treated equally, and an eye for justice determines your decision making.

These two values are not only relevant to work and education, it is also an important topic in relationships. Someone once told me I have no self-respect. I beg your pardon!? How is the existence of intimate feelings and longing for someone a sign of no self-respect? I'm not tailing you and throwing myself at you because I don't respect myself, it's because I RESPECT MY FEELINGS, it's because I couldn't imagine feeling like this with anyone else. Maybe it was because I had too much of a high regard for you, but no way did I lessen and degrade myself because I just couldn't get over it... maybe it was my pride talking! I thought we were perfect for each other. I thought you adored me as much or even more then I adored you. I thought we complimented each other. I thought YOU respected ME.

The learning outcome:
Pride & Integrity can benefit you or work against you, but don't feel bad if someone calls you out on it. You are not the problem, at least you know yourself and what you want maybe that other person should ask him/herself: what do they want? what do they value?

To my readers,
know yourself, love yourself, and radiate that love to others <3

Self Identity

This week, the topic of "self identity" has been on my mind. I briefly glossed over this theory in my previous post, "Back to School Prep". Adding to the "get to know yourself" part of self identity, today, I will describe the process behind it and analyze the after effects when someone has hit rock bottom or has faced a major life crisis.

An important phase in life is surely finding out who you really are, to yourself and in comparison with others. This ties in with how you feel about yourself, where you belong, and where you see yourself in the long term. Based on your own circumstances and life experiences you kinda have a picture of the person everyone thinks you are. We all live with some expectations hovering over our heads, whether its religious beliefs, upbringing, family traditions, or the environment around us. With all of this comes pressure, to live up to their expectations, to be a better and improved person, to be someone you're really not. And we wonder to ourselves, is this the right thing to do? Is this the right way to live?

There's no right or wrong in life, no matter who tries to prove to you otherwise; like there's no such thing as a yes or no, a black or white, a good or bad; it's all perception, socially constructed to make us believe that there's something worth while, something more valuable, but in truth, life is the most valuable gift you can ever have, and what you do with it is up to you. You can always be a half-decent person , say maybe all the time, set your view point on the greys, and be okay. SO why do we try so hard to choose or what some may say make the right choice? It's because we want to belong. Humans crave to be accepted, to be understood, to be loved, to have support... and when we don't have those things, you start to question yourself. What did I do wrong? Why am I like this? Self hatred is the greatest hate, like the saying "you are your worst critic".

Who Am I?

From the deepest part inside your soul, there's this fire that burns. It burns when you are pleased, it burns when you accomplished something you've worked really hard for, it burns when your dreams come true, it burns when you're inspired, it burns when you love, it burns when you're about to give up. Then sometimes, people explode. The crazies come out. You say and do things you've only thought about. Your "self" is finally out.

It can be that because of my literature class and the intense discussions I've had about this topic in class, I finally know, at this very moment, what it means: WHO AM I. All my life I've been living to please my parents. It wasn't just the torture of piano lessons, choir, straight A's, get a job! pay the bills! you don't do anything for us! if i die now, how are you suppose to live on your own! you're an adult now and you still act like a kid! why are you so quiet! why do you let others take advantage of you! why are you so kind! why do you give out money like it's worthless! why are you so insecure! why are you even HERE! Some times I can't even tell if it's my voice, my parent's voice, my siblings' voice, my friend's voice, God's voice, or even a stranger's voice that is constantly nagging me. I finally stopped believing in people's word, trust is hard to come by, good friends are rare, and love is just a word that's been tarnished. Even with all this bitterness, the fire within me sparks "positivity", because of my experiences, I can now tell who is a true friend and who is just using me, who really cares and who really doesn't give a shit, who really believes in me and who's sugarcoating it like the powder face they really are! I'm only out for the truth, for the realness, for the dedication, for the passion, so I can radiate a positive energy knowing that I'm living, and life is GOOD!

Words from Justin Beiber - When you smile, I smile :)

To my readers,
your beautiful heart makes you who you are, always a special person <3