Self Identity

This week, the topic of "self identity" has been on my mind. I briefly glossed over this theory in my previous post, "Back to School Prep". Adding to the "get to know yourself" part of self identity, today, I will describe the process behind it and analyze the after effects when someone has hit rock bottom or has faced a major life crisis.

An important phase in life is surely finding out who you really are, to yourself and in comparison with others. This ties in with how you feel about yourself, where you belong, and where you see yourself in the long term. Based on your own circumstances and life experiences you kinda have a picture of the person everyone thinks you are. We all live with some expectations hovering over our heads, whether its religious beliefs, upbringing, family traditions, or the environment around us. With all of this comes pressure, to live up to their expectations, to be a better and improved person, to be someone you're really not. And we wonder to ourselves, is this the right thing to do? Is this the right way to live?

There's no right or wrong in life, no matter who tries to prove to you otherwise; like there's no such thing as a yes or no, a black or white, a good or bad; it's all perception, socially constructed to make us believe that there's something worth while, something more valuable, but in truth, life is the most valuable gift you can ever have, and what you do with it is up to you. You can always be a half-decent person , say maybe all the time, set your view point on the greys, and be okay. SO why do we try so hard to choose or what some may say make the right choice? It's because we want to belong. Humans crave to be accepted, to be understood, to be loved, to have support... and when we don't have those things, you start to question yourself. What did I do wrong? Why am I like this? Self hatred is the greatest hate, like the saying "you are your worst critic".

Who Am I?

From the deepest part inside your soul, there's this fire that burns. It burns when you are pleased, it burns when you accomplished something you've worked really hard for, it burns when your dreams come true, it burns when you're inspired, it burns when you love, it burns when you're about to give up. Then sometimes, people explode. The crazies come out. You say and do things you've only thought about. Your "self" is finally out.

It can be that because of my literature class and the intense discussions I've had about this topic in class, I finally know, at this very moment, what it means: WHO AM I. All my life I've been living to please my parents. It wasn't just the torture of piano lessons, choir, straight A's, get a job! pay the bills! you don't do anything for us! if i die now, how are you suppose to live on your own! you're an adult now and you still act like a kid! why are you so quiet! why do you let others take advantage of you! why are you so kind! why do you give out money like it's worthless! why are you so insecure! why are you even HERE! Some times I can't even tell if it's my voice, my parent's voice, my siblings' voice, my friend's voice, God's voice, or even a stranger's voice that is constantly nagging me. I finally stopped believing in people's word, trust is hard to come by, good friends are rare, and love is just a word that's been tarnished. Even with all this bitterness, the fire within me sparks "positivity", because of my experiences, I can now tell who is a true friend and who is just using me, who really cares and who really doesn't give a shit, who really believes in me and who's sugarcoating it like the powder face they really are! I'm only out for the truth, for the realness, for the dedication, for the passion, so I can radiate a positive energy knowing that I'm living, and life is GOOD!

Words from Justin Beiber - When you smile, I smile :)

To my readers,
your beautiful heart makes you who you are, always a special person <3